One week from today, we should know who the new president of the United States is.  I, for one, can’t wait.  No, it’s not because I’m annoyed at hearing debates and reading about each candidate’s platform.  I am ready for the election to be over with because two things are really bothering me: 1) the lies being cast and the fact the public believes it and 2) the fact that there is genuine anger building against each candidate.  

In the past week, I have had two clients of mine express their anti-Obama opinions with me without being prompted to do so.  On one hand, I appreciate that they consider their relationship with me to be one in which they could share their political views, but I also find it pretty inappropriate and awkward.  I find it awkward because the points they used to explain to me why they didn’t like Obama were completely, flat-out wrong.  They argued that Obama has said that he has wanted to distance himself from the white race, that he’s secretly a terrorist, and that he’s Muslim.  How on Earth am I supposed to respond to that?  I don’t want to offend them by calling them out on their utter B.S., but I do feel they have the right to know the actual truth.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been surrounded by false information regarding this election.  I have family members who forward emails about how horrible Obama is (all of them are proven to be incorrect by doing a simple search on Snopes).  One family member said he would never vote for someone named Hussein.  That absolutely blows my mind because this concept is either a) purely out of racism or b) based on the fact that if a person shares the same name as someone else, you’re like them.  John McCain’s middle name is Sydney which also happens to be the capitol of Australia, a country who has a federal constitutional monarchy as their form of government.  He also shares the same first name as John Wayne Gacy.  I guess this means that, by using the same “Hussein” logic, John McCain doesn’t like our form of government, likes dressing as a clown…and rapes and murders teenage boys for fun.  Well there you go.  I guess our election is down to a terrorist and boy raper.

I am voting for Obama not because I’m registered as a Democrat (I’m a proud Independent) but because I think he is the best for our country, especially at this time.  If this was the same John McCain that ran for president against Dubya in 2000, I would have a really hard time picking a candidate.  It is astounding how much McCain has shifted his views on practically everything since then.   He was eliminated from contention after Bush’s cronies started a smear campaign against him, claiming he fathered an illegitimate black child.  Nothing like a racist lie to help you win an election.  It was then that I knew George W. Bush was evil.  Well, after vowing to never stoop to that level, McCain hired the EXACT SAME PEOPLE who spread lies about him to do the same to Obama.  His campaign has turned into something ugly by talking about Obama’s alleged ties with terrorists, that he’s a marxist, etc.  What has really impressed me is how Obama has taken those hits.  He could easily make commercials talking about McCain’s involvement in the Keating 5 Scandal or pointing out the fact that McCain is friends with G. Gordon Liddy.  But he hasn’t.  Instead, he’s talked about the issues.  I find it funny that, for every attack McCain has had against Obama, each one has come back to haunt him.  And it’s sad that so many people can’t see that.

It might sound ridiculous to say this, but I wish there was a competency test to vote.  On it, you would be asked these questions:

1) Is Obama is Muslim?

2) Whose administration created the earned income tax credit to help “spread the wealth”?

3) Who once said the following: “Here’s what I really believe: That when you reach a certain level of comfort, there’s nothing wrong with paying somewhat more.”

4)  Do you really know what Marxism is?  If so, please describe how Obama’s tax plan is Marxist.

5)  True or False: Both candidates have ties to convicted felons.

6) True or False: Obama was sworn in to office with the Koran and refuses to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

If the voter-to-be can’t get at least 3 of the questions correctly, an error message would pop up saying: “I’m sorry, you clearly don’t know what you’re doing.  For the sake of the future of this country, you are too dumb to vote.  Please try again in four years.”  That would be awesome.

I can’t wait for this election to be over with because things are getting out of control.  There is hatred for each side that I haven’t seen before.  The longer the election lasts, the more divisive we become as a nation.  I genuinely worry about the safety of either candidate.  I truly believe that if McCain becomes president, the devisiveness will continue akin to the Bush administration.  The fact that the McCain/Palin ticket has thrown out racist comments, called certain parts of the country “pro-American”, have mocked community organizations, and so on, leads me to believe we could be heading down a dangerous path.  Sadly, if Obama is president, there are people out there who believe the lies about him thanks to the McCain campaign, and I am scared that there are enough wackos who will believe they’d be doing the country a favor by assassinating the guy.  The sooner this thing gets over with, the more likely people will be able to cool down.

There are definitely things I disagree with Obama on, though, so I don’t think he’s perfect by any means.  He is supposed to be addressing the country tonight because he purchased a half hour of TV time.  I don’t agree with it at all even though I am going to watch.  I am trying to be open-minded about it because I could be surprised about the content of his message.  If he’s just reciting his stump speeches he’s been giving across the country, I’ll be disappointed.  Maybe he has an October surprise in store for us.  Maybe he’s using the time to dispell so many of the untrue rumors about him.  Either way, I’m excited for a week from today.

Quick, think of the most embarrassing thing that could possibly happen to you at a gas station.  Give up?  Well let me help you out.  The most embarrassing thing you can do at a gas station is to drive away with the pump still attached to your car.  Hands down.  How do I know?

Because it happened to me recently…

I was driving out in Central Nebraska for work and, after having driven through five hours of absolute nothingness, I pulled over to fill up my rental car.  My eyes were bloodshot, and I was exhausted due to waking up much earlier than normal for the trip.  Being the savvy multitasker that I am, I decided to fill up while running inside to go to the bathroom.  I did my business and returned to my rental car.  The tank was full, I had already swiped my card to pay, and I decided to take off to continue my road trip.

Within seconds, I heard a horrible CRRRRRRSKKKKKKK from behind my car.  I slammed on the brakes and just sat there trying to figure out what happened.  It was then that I looked out my window to see the gas station lady throw open the building door and begin an all out sprint to the pump I was using.  I opened the door to my car and stepped out of my car into the fringe of a massive pool of gasoline on the ground by the pump.  About 10 yards away, the head of the pump was just sitting by itself, and the nozzle hose was flying out of control everywhere with gasoline pumping out of it at full speed.  Thankfully, the gas station lady reached the pump and slammed the arm down to shut off the flow.

I just stood there, as the massive pool of gasoline swirled in front of me, staring wide-eyed at the attendant.  My brain scrambled to think of some witty comment to make or some way to play off what had just happened.  There is absolutely no way to be cool in a situation like that, though.  None.  I wish the lady would have taken a picture of me at that moment with my eyes huge and frozen in shock while wearing a suit and standing next to a pool of gasoline coming to the base of my dress shoes.  At the right angle, I’m pretty sure she could have included the nozzle head in the background for an added touch.

She asked if I paid by credit card.  I told her I did.  She then told me to leave.  I spent the rest of the day stopping periodically in various bathrooms to attempt to rid the smell of gasoline from the bottoms of my shoes using soap and water.  It was awful.  I will also make sure to double check when driving off from now on.

Dear Jessica Simpson,

I’m writing this letter to you because I know you are an avid reader of my blog.  It has come to my attention recently that your boyfriend, Tony Romo, broke his pinky finger this past weekend.  The bweak on his widdle finger hurt so much that he didn’t think he could play this weekend.  I am sure that you, like most women, are looking for a good man.  That is why I, upon hearing this news, feel it is important for me to point out that I am a) more of a man than Tony Romo and b) single.

Before I expound on all the reasons you should date me, I should state that I would be willing to look past your airheadedness.  Heck, I would even accept that you have a crazy, controlling father.  Let’s face it, you are pretty hot and you’re pretty wealthy.  Everyone knows that.  But I would also find your lack of knowledge to both provide nonstop amusement to me but also make me feel incredibly intelligent at the same time.  It’s kind of a homerun for me.  You also have pretty nice boobs.  And, well, boobs are pretty neat.  But why am I such an upgrade from Tony Romo, you ask?  I’ll break it down for you.

First off, the tabloid reporters and paparazzi will inevitiably ruin your relationship just as it did with your marriage to Nick Lachy.  You were just one of many, many people who were cursed because they decided to whore their lives out for the world to watch.  Look at Hulk Hogan (divorced and son in jail), the Osbornes (two kids in and out of rehab), Travis Barker (plane crash), Hugh Heffner (dumped by ALL THREE of his women), Russell Simmons (divorced), etc.  It happens.  The Cowboys are currently on an NFL reality show on HBO which means he is already cursed.  He will either die in some bizzare way or, if you two have kids, they will likely be mentally handicapped.  The sooner you realize that getting out of the public eye is bad for relationships, the better your relationships will be.  Which is why I’m suggesting you move to Kansas City.  The paparazzi doesn’t even exist here. Plus, you can hang around with celebrities who live in KC full time.  There are tons of famous people here like Manute Bol and that one guy who won American Idol that one time.  It’ll be just like living in Hollywood!

Now, you might think that your boyfriend and I are really different when, in fact, we are quite similar in many ways.  He plays football in Texas, and I was born in Texas.  His last name is one letter away from being the nickname for a homosexual.  Mine is one letter away from being a nickname for a penis.  Which one would you rather choose — a homosexual or a penis?  I rest my case.  The other thing we have in common is that we both have a crooked pinky.  Pretty crazy isn’t it?  Well guess what?  I have TWO crooked pinkies!

Did that just blow your mind all over your face or what?  Well, how about this little tidbit of information: I am typing this post right now with those very pinkies.  I know, I know, it’s amazing to think about considering you’re probably looking over at poor Tony as he stares at his mangled finger and sobs into his precious Cowboys jersey.  But alas, it’s true.  I can press the “a” and the “l” keys on the homerow like it’s nobody’s business…and I can do it while smiling.

I hope I’ve given you something to think about, Jessica.  If you ever need something to think about when trying to decide between me and him, just think to yourself, “Can Tony do this?”

I didn’t think so.  Check and mate.

XOXO,

Brad

My sister made her return to Kansas City after having moved to Chicago almost half a year ago.  It’s funny to think about how different her mentality of the move is now compared to earlier this summer.  Before, she kept questioning whether or not it was the right move and was surprised at how inconvenient everything was compared to KC.  Now, she is truly in love with the city, and that is really good to hear.

We spent the weekend visiting some of her favorite restaurants that she misses (Oklahoma Joe’s was #1 on her list) as well as kicking it with friends.  I’ll be honest, I feel way overdue for a weekend of relaxation, but it was still great doing it up like old times.  When we weren’t eating, sleeping, or with friends at night, my sis stepped up and helped me with some decorating for my house.  I , like most guys, have never been especially gifted in that department so her help was very welcome.  By the end of the weekend, my living room and dining room have been transformed into a pretty happenin’ little bachelor pad.  I also hope I never have to shop for curtains again.

The weekend before last, I flew out west to Los Angeles for our annual trip (last years was written about here), previously nicknamed “The Brad’s Weekend”.  My good friend Andy lives out in LA and my other friend Brad and I have made a point to visit him the past few years.  This year, Bronk was able to join us, as well, which was pretty awesome.

We all arrived around the same time and, after being picked up, Andy took us to El Coyote for dinner.  Apparently, El Coyote is the place Sharon Tate ate her last meal before being murdered by the Charles Manson clan.  Now that is some freaky stuff right there.  The place was pretty cool, though, and I honestly think their salsa could have been straight from a can labeled “Ragu”.  It was really good, though.  After dinner, we headed to Jones, a bar/restaurant that has pretty much been the regular hangout for us every time we come to LA.  We were there for a going-away party for Andy’s old roommate, and it was a great way to kick off the weekend.  Here’s a picture of the four of us…and I, for some reason, am making an awkward face.

Andy had to work on Friday so Brad, Bronk, and I kicked it around town all day.  We ate at Larchmont Village, walked around The Grove, ate Pinkberry (seriously, I don’t understand why they haven’t expanded to the Midwest.  It’d be insanely popular here.), and even drove around Hollywood to see some of the touristy places like the Chinese Theater.  That night, we got together and headed out to Culver City to eat burgers at Father’s Office. The place is apparently known for its burgers, and I would definitely rank them among my top 3 I’ve ever had.  Pretty great stuff.

We also had our only celebrity sighting at the restraunt.  While waiting for a table, we looked over and Andy goes, “Hey, look who it is”.  I immediately replied, “Nice!  Tobey Maguire!”  I was wrong, though.  It was Topher Grace.  Hey, I wasn’t too far off, though.  I mean, Tobey Maguire is Spiderman, and Topher Grace was also in Spiderman 3.

After dinner, we went to a few bars around Culver City before settling on a total dive bar off the beaten path.  It wasn’t very busy and, after noticing a completely white wall on the side of the room, decided to take some pictures.

Outside, there was a small post where we tried balancing and doing “the crane”.  Not surprisingly, Andy’s was by far the best.  The Asian was the best at the karate moves.  Go figure.

An equally impressive feat came from Rob.  He was so determined to do a perfect crane that he had to have tried it at least 30 times.

We started the day Sunday by going to brunch in El Feliz.  The food was pretty great aside from one small thing — Andy found a pube in his food.  Not cool.

After brunch, we headed out do the Griffith Observatory. I had wanted to go for years and was glad to finally get a chance to make it out there.  It’s a pretty cool place, and I’d seen it in a lot of TV shows and movies (most recently, the Transformers movie).

The view from the place is pretty amazing, too.  It was there that we spotted a very rare sight in Los Angeles — a cloud.  No joke.  Bronk spotted it out in the distance, and it blew our minds!

The remainder of the day was spent BBQing at Andy’s place and hanging out with his friends that we’ve come to know over the years.  It was a great trip, and it’s honestly kind of hard to think back that it actually happened because it was so quick.  I can’t wait to do it again next year, regardless of where we decide to go.